Tag Archives: wellness

Reverse DIETING?!?!?!

Hello and welcome back everyone, I wanted to give you a little update of the experiment I’ve been implementing into my daily life: reverse dieting!!!

Y’see I did the foolish, total amateur thing by being on a deficit for the better part of 2, I could even say 3 years – during my last pregnancy I was always on my feet, moving, walking every single day, climbing stairs at my apartment complex – third floor tenant – and I definitely did not eat as much as I should have with all of that activity.

What I should have done was PAY ATTENTION. After my pregnancy I wasn’t too hungry, most of the time. When I wanted to start actively losing my extra pounds, I started eating regularly and exercising. I saw some amazing results in just a couple months… but the results started to come slower and slower until they stopped. So I switched my diet – constantly. I finally found intermittent fasting which was so convenient for me! I saw a little bit of loss but that slowed down pretty quickly.

A month ago, I noticed that eating more than 1,200 calories would result in weight gain. Like a good certified personal trainer (who has pretty much used the training a handful of times and definitely not kept up-to-date with new information in the health and fitness community) I decided to do some research.

To sum it up, too much cardio will result in your body losing muscle, therefore slowing your metabolism. Additionally, being in a deficit for an extended period will put your body in a sort of metabolic stasis. Your deficit becomes the maintenance, if that makes sense. So any increase will result in a gain.

To offset this, I turn to the handy dandy tool called: reverse dieting!!! I want to be transparent here and let you know that for 5 years between my teen and twenties, I suffered from a mental illness called anorexia nervosa. My metabolism and organ systems have already taken a massive hit before, so it stands to reason that my body would react as though I were starving myself… again. Because of that I desperately need to repair the broken system that is my metabolism. That’s where this tool comes in!

For most, reverse dieting is a fairly simple process of gradual calorie increase until the body becomes efficient at maintenance without much fat gain. However, due to my long and abusive relationship with food and my own body, this is a process that has definitely resulted in weight gain. This month I’ve gained 5 pounds on top of what I had gained back from this year’s goal of 30 pounds. So I’m at a goal of 35 pounds now… kinda disappointing, since I truly believed I was being smart and working hard – unfortunately obsession overcame the resolution, and well, here we are.

Right now, with my activity level, I’m at 1,800 kcal at maintenance. It doesn’t seem like a lot, right? I used to eat that and lose a pound each week! Age plays a little bit of a factor as well unfortunately. And chronic pain, and my meds side effects, it’s just a big ol thing.

Because of this, I want to be completely transparent and honest with everyone on this journey of reverse dieting, and fat loss/weight loss, whilst dealing with the BS that is an eating disorder. I’m guessing if I were to be diagnosed today, I’d fall under EDNOS. Tomorrow I’ll be doing the 1st measure-in in quite some time. I hope you guys are down for this journey. It’s gonna be a doozy!

I hope everyone has had an amaaazing weekend. Let me know what your goals are in the comments!

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Weekend Workout!

The past two days have been pretty groovy… except that my pain flare-ups have been frequent and intense! Not even ibuprofen has helped (no real surprise there). I’ve taken baths, had some massages from my devoted husband, and yet, there I was on my birthday and the day after my birthday. Hurting.

Luckily, walking tends to ease my pain, at least for an hour or so. So I went for a nice, brisk walk for about 30 minutes each day. Still, the pain returned. It was all right, I still managed to get done all the things I needed to, though I definitely crashed a LOT earlier than I usually would.

Since I missed my strength training workouts for those two days, I decided to do my best on the weekend, which brings me to my first workout that I managed with minimal pain! Today I decided to do legs and booty, check it out:

Alternate leg lifts: 3×8 side, 3×8 back
Plie squats: 3×10
Calf raise: 3×12
Seated calf raise with 20lb weight: 3×10
Squats: 3×10

I still have to do my cardio, which will be walking with the kiddos on our favorite trail after naptime. I hope everyone is having a groovy weekend!

The Struggle Is REAL (and other updates)

Oh goodness, what’s it been? Three weeks?? 100% my bad!

Last week, I did a week of Whitney (which I’ll share with you guys in April when I do it again) but I couldn’t for the life of me bring myself to write a post. My meds have made me both nauseous and fatigued ever since I started them last month!

I’m getting ahead of myself already. Hi, hello, how are ya? Enjoying the weather change? We, the desert people, got SNOW last month. WHAT??

It was cold, but I miss it already. Earlier this week, it ended up getting pretty cold again and the mountains got some snow, but unfortunately, that cold crunchy goodness didn’t make its way back to us. Excuse me while I cry in my corner.

The transition from February to March was a rough one, mainly because of my meds but ever since my body has started adjusting (other than the fatigue and nausea which persist every day), I’ve come to a point of clarity: where I need to put more focus in, what I’ve decided to scrap, realizing that I need to hit the reset button on a few parts of my life.

This is gonna be a long one, I think, so strap in.

For starters, (beating a dead horse here but) my meds have definitely evened me out, though I still dip into my dissociative states. The only time I have any physiological anxiety symptoms is if I drink too much caffeine. Incidentally, the past week and a half of drinking coffee or espresso has resulted in some pretty bad cases of nausea, so I’ve stopped drinking my favorite beverage.

As for my physical well being. My March goals have basically been to work out 3-4 times a week, which I can proudly say I’ve accomplished! I mean, so far, it’s still only halfway through the month lol

Moving on to my YouTube channels: I privated most of my videos on my macrobabe channel because I felt like vlogging just wasn’t fun anymore, and if I vlog I want it to be because I have something of value to say or share, but not vlogging has shown me that I enjoy being present and not recording every moment of my life. It’s a lot more work than some folks realize. My booktube is still active because bookish goals are what I’m focusing on at the moment, and my commentary channel has slowed down in terms of content, because of my March goals.

Regarding my March goals, the main goal has been to flesh out and start writing my second novella, and plot the third. Since my other laptop died, I lost 99% of the information I had on the second in the series, which I think is a bit of a blessing. I dove head first rather than re-acquainting myself with my characters.

I’ve been doing tons of reading this month as well, 50% have been audiobooks, my new love. An audiobook I’m listening to currently is May Cause Miracles – a spirit junkie book that helped me a ton when I was having a hard time with my anxiety and identity issues a year and a half ago, so I want to see if I can start the 40 day program again with similar results. I felt so much better about myself when I did it, so it’s worth a shot, right?

On to a more serious topic that I’ve barely scratched the surface of on my commentary channel, and I told a few friends and my husband that I would be keeping things anonymous, should I decide to talk about it more:

I made a friend last year that pretty much turned my entire world upside down. I had a growing relationship with a group of people that she was a part of, and upon sparking a friendship with me, she made me think she was just like me – a mom trying to stay healthy, dealing with some mental health issues. I didn’t realize that it was likely a manipulation tactic.

She made it clear that there was a bitterness over how I was being treated by everyone else, and hinted that our friendship would cause a rift in the group, which I didn’t understand, I figured this would bring everyone closer together.

She slowly integrated gossip into our conversations which used to revolve around pregnancy, past abuse, depression and anxiety, and getting healthy. Through this gossip, she made me believe that everyone in the group would use her and then intentionally exclude her or make her feel bad about herself.

Eventually she told me about anyone who was her enemy at the time and complain about them, sharing their very personal information with me (whether it was her dad, her brother, her boyfriend, her long distance bff, her bff in the group, coworkers, everyone). I told her at the start of our friendship that I’m an open book, but I’m not graceful when it comes to social settings so if I mess up, just tell me.

At the time, I didn’t act out of malicious intent because I liked everyone, and I kept things in perspective. If person A snapped at me, I didn’t take it personally because I knew what person A was going through. She would take everything person A did to her as a personal assault against her, until I swooped in and reminded her that they were going through a lot! In terms of her, I was the first person she talked to whenever she was going through something. I’d gas her up, give her advice.

At one point she told me that I shouldn’t trust a person she and I were communicating with because that person was telling everyone else what the three of us talked about – what, jokes and the fact that she complained about the rest of the group not wanting the new person around? Direct quote: “Be careful, becauseĀ person A told me you weren’t welcome at her house.” If you heard from a third party that you weren’t welcome in someone else’s home, wouldn’t you want to clear things up with the person directly? But I shouldn’t trust her because she confronted a pretty big issue head-on, something that I wasn’t even involved in?

Then she started talking about how everyone else talked about me behind my back. They would allegedly call me weird (and she claimed to defend me), they’d make fun of my wedding ideas, make fun of my body and my anxiety. She happened to be there every single time they talked about me, so that should have been a red flag. And yet I was dumb enough to believe her. I ended the friendship with a sense of uncertainty on how much she influenced the divide between what could have been a great relationship between me and everyone else – though I know there were other factors in that, but their actions against my family was too much at the time.

Before I ended the friendship, I gave her a heads up a month in advance that I was going to remove everyone from social media and get some space to get my head on right. I had already removed a couple people because of their actions (both directly and through the grapevine, to my knowledge my worst offense was being socially inept).

I truly think she used my removing her from social media as an excuse to tell everyone else that I was a bad friend, a bad mom, a bad everything – when the day before she would tell me how great I was, proud of my successes, happy that my husband and I found a new place, telling me that things would be so much better at the new place.

It makes me wonder what type of mask she was wearing when I wasn’t around. There were red flags, but I remained optimistic, until she continued to harass me via other people.

Anyway, why am I bringing all of that old news up, you may ask?

Well, it’s come to my attention that a get together is happening in June (or is it July? I can’t remember) with this group (minus the former friend that I spent way too long talking about above), and my husband wants me to go. Do I want to go? Not particularly, because of how I was treated by the other members of the group, which I feel was unwarranted – especially given that I asked one person who had a huge problem with me, unknown how much of that was influenced by the former friend, if we could sit down and talk. I wanted to get a better understanding of why she felt resentment towards me or why she felt that I was fake for being friends with someone who was supposed to be her best friend, if there was a way I could fix things, or if there was a personality flaw that I needed to work on, or maybe it was something going on with her. The talk never happened so all of that was left unanswered and I kinda just gave up.

So now I’m at a point of having to decide if I want to put myself in a position that might set me back mentally, for the sake of my family. We’ll see how the next couple months go. Like I said above, maybe I need to hit the reset button?

OH! I almost forget to mention that St. Patrick’s Day is this Sunday so obviously I’m gonna have to make a post with some food. Look out for that! Until next time!

A surprising loss + A week of workouts

This week was one of the hardest in terms of the whole “sugar free” challenge. You’d be surprised where added sugar is hiding. I was pretty disappointed over the fact that I didn’t get to drink my Bolthouse Farms Mocha Cappuccino protein drink (40g added sugar PER SERVING… there’s two servings per bottle, whaaaaat).

I haven’t missed a workout yet, which I’m pretty pleased about – though I think yesterday’s ab session was a little meh, due to my anxiety being absolutely insane. Before I get into my measurements and weight, I wanted to share the workouts I did this week (and will do today).

Monday and Tuesday are already logged, of course.

Wednesday I did my Upper Body Slay (and I have that planned for today as well)

Thursday I did the same as Tuesday’s workout, except with less oomph.

Now it’s time to get into what we’ve all be waiting for. My weight: it flickered between 154 and 156. Af first I was worried because…. um… hello, I’ve been working out, moving more, sorta sleeping regularly. But I gained? Then it sunk in… dude, you’ve been working out. Weighted workouts, resistance, cardio. Of course you gained. Your muscles are probably growing, silly! Admittedly I haven’t eaten much this week, which is a problem that I need to sort out as well.

So while I lost fat in my arms (thank goodness), I gained muscle in my legs! I’ve been doing a lot more kitchen cardio and I walk outdoors when I can.

Weight: +0-2lbs
Inches: -1.5 (overall)

I’m feeling a lot more motivated seeing that progress, but the biggest challenge is going to be NOT OBSESSING.

First Weighted Workout of 2019!!!

I haven’t been too in depth about my chronic pain with you folks, but let’s just say my weighted workouts have been fewer and farther in between as 2018 progressed. It seemed that no amount of “rest” or “recovery” time helped. To clarify: my body rarely hurts when I’m active, and in fact I feel pretty good for 30 minutes to a couple hours afterwards, but as the months dragged on, my bad pain days became a lot more common than my feel-good days, which makes finding the motivation to lift weights a bit of a challenge.

However, I’m pleased to say that I did my very first weighted workout of the year – 10 days in, not too bad if you ask me! Down below I’ve got my delt before pic and the exercises that I did. Hopefully I can build my delt muscles and lose some fat.

“Before” pic:

Exercises (sets)x(reps):

3×6 Double Forward Dumbbell Raise – 10 lbs
3×8 Bent Dumbbell Rows (alternating b/n wife and closed rows) – 20 lbs
3×8 Lateral Raise – 20 lbs
3×6 Shoulder Press – 20 lbs
3×5 Back Fly – 20 lbs
1 minutes of Prayer Pumps

There may be days, or weeks even, where I won’t be able to work out. I’m slowly learning to accept that. For now, I’m incredibly proud of this workout, and if you’re interested in hearing more or following along this journey, stay tuned because tomorrow I’ll have my weigh-in and more!

Bridal Boot Camp: Check In #2


What a long week it’s been! We spent the better part of the week at the hotel and it was an amazing change of scenery. Sometimes it’s good to get away from the monotony of every day life for a little reset.

We went swimming every single day (and a couple of nights as well), and we made some friends – I’ll have a vlog up for you guys later, I recorded a lot of videos. Despite my husband having to work still, even he felt like this was a nice getaway – he invited his coworkers over to grill and swim with us. This little staycation gave us a taste of what it’ll be like at our new house!

Now to the progress/setbacks:

Despite being out of the house, I still wanted to get my workouts in and eat as close to my “diet” as possible. I took measurements on Monday and noticed how my body has stayed within an inch or two of what those measurements were, for a few months with very minor fluctuations. My most successful month this year has been January because of how restricted my diet was – I don’t mean I wasn’t allowed good food, but I definitely limited myself to no outside food (no chips, no fast food, no added sugar, etc.).

I got my juices in each day – though I completely forgot my Greek yogurt at home, so it wasn’t as thick and smoothie-like. The groovy thing about the hotel was that it was fully furnished – no, I mean, FULLY furnished! Microwave, blender, washing machine and dryer… everything! We managed to stock up the fridge with tons of goodies for everyone, including some salads that my husband picked up on the way back from work!

As for my workouts. I did a little bit of everything, but I wanted to focus on my midsection a little more than everything else – so while I still did some simple arm and leg work, I worked on strengthening my core, and some back stretches as well.

My overall loss in the past week has been 3 inches! I’m quite proud of myself, I must say! Most of the loss came from my legs, but 1/2 an inch was around my hips so I’m pleased with that.

My back pain hasn’t entirely improved – it was good and then Thursday it was just awful, and after coming back to the house, the first morning felt better and it’s been downhill, so I’m going to try really hard to do at least 10 minutes of yoga + stretching twice a day. Fingers crossed and if you have any suggestions, please comment below!

All in all, a successful week and I hope to see more of that this summer. Let’s get to it!

 

Bridal Bootcamp: June Edition

Y’all ready for this

Get it? See what I did there?

No but seriously, I’ve got 5 months until I walk down the metaphorical aisle and I want to look as badass as humanly possible, which means it might be time for a little diet switch. I’ve hit a plateau and it is not settling with me very well. Why would it? It’s a flippin plateau! The further along in this journey we go, the more plateaus we hit, that’s just the reality we face.

Before I talk about my health and fitness plans for this month, I need to talk to you guys about something and maybe one of you can offer some advice: My back pain (which may be a workout injury, or a bad mattress, or a number of things that I can’t diagnose) has gotten worse. I no longer sit much during the day and if I do, I’m extremely self-conscious of my posture for fear of back spasms. I thought getting a new mattress might help things but I don’t think that’s going to help. So I’m definitely going to take it easy on my workouts this month, on the off chance that it’s workout-injury related.

TO THE PLANS!

My meal plans are going to stay the same with regards to calories, but instead of just blindly looking around for the least carbs/most protein noms that we have I’m going to be drinking a juice (of my creation, recipes to follow if I can manage that), a protein shake, a salad, and an intuitive meal for dinner.

My workouts will be light and include more yoga (well, yoga in general because my yoga has been so bloody limited). Fingers crossed, I’d love to tone up but right now I need to heal my rebellious back!

I’ll check in with you guys on Monday!

 

Monday Check-In

Another Monday is upon us, which is the day of checking in, measuring and setting up another challenge!

This past week was pretty good! I had an issue that I’m still working on; being snack happy! However, I made some strides in not snacking too much and my measurement chart shows it!

I lost almost two inches over all, though I definitely gained muscle as well which is fantastic! I had loss in my hips (which is where my fat is most stubborn) and my calves – my legs and butt are showing some muscle growth, but my arms have stayed the same (another stubborn fat area).

A non scale victory that I achieved this week was getting closer to being confident in a bikini! One of my resolutions this year is to confidently wear a bikini by summer. Technically it’s Spring, so I’ve got time but I didn’t wear a shirt at the pool this weekend and even though I was very aware of my body, I managed to do it!

My challenge for this week is to meet my hydration goal – which is to drink a minimum of 8 glasses of water each day. It’s getting hot here in the desert which means I need to be ON TOP of my water intake!!

I challenge you guys to meet your minimum water intake goal this week! Let’s make it a good week, folks!

No Junk January

Every month I’m doing a special challenge. Something that will push me to my limits. I’m someone who has a violent relationship with food, so naturally I need to start the new year with a bang.

January is a month where despite restrictions, I want to harness my inner mental health heroine. This month is a HUGE mental challenge for me. My eating disorder is not allowed to resurface this month, this year, and hopefully not ever again.

My own PERSONAL rules:

  • No fried food, salty or sweet stuff (cookies, pretzels, chips, candy), nothing with added sugar or salt (i.e. if it doesn’t need it for baking or cooking purposes, it’s a no), fast food is a big no (unless salads are optional), no alcohol
  • Photograph meals and snacks, to be posted at the end of each week
  • Measure every Monday
  • Cardio 4-5x/week
  • Legs-centric month

My body goals are to build my running legs for later 2018 challenges. I want to lose an inch of fat overall (so half an inch per thigh), but measurements are hard to determine especially with muscle growth vs fat loss. I’ll be taking body progress photos every week, but I probably won’t post until the end of the month. ANYWAY, enough rambling that I know you probably aren’t interested in hearing…

I hope everyone has an AWESOME month!

My New Years Resolutions | JOIN ME!

It’s the day before 2018, and that means my butt is resolving to make some changes! I have a LOT of changes that I want to make and this post in particular includes all of my health-related goals! Naturally I’ve made a list that I can hang up and touch! Something that makes it real.

I also wanted to make this post as an accountability thread! These are all realistic goals, and I can take photos/videos to keep me accountable for each of these goals! Remember, this is just health-related and it’s not even my full list!If that’s too hard to read (which it probably is, my bad) here it is below:

  • Wear a bikini (with confidence) by swimming season
  • Improve form and posture
  • Two Macrobabe videos per week
  • Experiment with new recipes
  • SPREAD POSITIVITY

Now I’m going to break it down for y’all!

Wear a bikini with confidence for swim season! I’ve literally never worn a bikini before, but my body is at the point where I cannot afford to care about the extra skin and chunk around my arms, back, belly, thigh. I’m doing something called a “Supermodel Mom” year, but that doesn’t mean my body is going to look like a supermodel, but it definitely has something to do with having the confidence, self-reliance, patience, and discipline of a supermodel – but in a mom kind of a way.

Anyway, back to the point, it’s not necessarily my body that I want to change (though I do want a stronger, leaner body) but I want the CONFIDENCE to wear a bikini! I grew up in a household where bikinis weren’t an option, but now I have the option and I really want to wear one! A Wonder Woman one would be awesome, but I’m getting ahead of myself. Confidence first!

Improve form and posture! My posture is awful and I really can’t tell my kids to sit up straight if I’m hunched over my laptop like a troll. So I’m determined to straighten my back this year. As for my form, I really want to have better form in my workouts – I don’t exactly look graceful when I’m doing my workouts so it would be nice to actually look halfway normal whilst recording my workouts! Which brings me to my next resolution:

Two Macrobabe videos per week! I want to keep my progress updates – which is Macrobabe Monday, of course. But I also want to do an extra video each week. That might be something like debunking a food myth or another lie that Freelee the Banana Girl has said, or a recipe, or something inspirational. Who knows! But I want to maintain a two video/week schedule for the entire year!

Experiment with new recipes! We all know I’m no stranger to trying new things – we almost always have something new every Sunday for family day. But I want to go wild this year. Different flavors, different dishes, nothing is off limits (except of course cannibalism).

SPREAD POSITIVITY! My final resolution is to not only be more positive, but also to spread positivity and joy! I want to learn how to manifest the feeling within myself and gift it to others. I want to stop letting other people’s negative attitudes and fakeness, if we’re being honest, affect my ability to be the best me! I’m all for staying guarded around the people who just want to be nosy and secretly hope for my downfall, but I don’t want to let that stop me from having an awesome time around the other people I actually care about!

What about you? Do you have any resolutions? Do you want to be a part of a Supermodel Mom Year? If so email me at raineaugust@gmail.com, or join my SUPER HUMANS group on facebook!