Tag Archives: mom life

Measure-In Monday | #1

That’s right folks, if you missed my last post on reverse dieting you might be surprised to see the good ol’ measure in mondays are back!! This is the first of many, and I hope I can keep this up! Drop some motivation in the comments to keep me accountable!

I haven’t measured my fat at all in quite awhile, so I was floored to see the inches I had packed on. It was a punch in the gut. Sure, I noticed my clothes were tighter, I had a lot more pain days than good ones, I even noticed jowels on my face. I’m not even 30, so I definitely shouldn’t have skin hanging off of my jaws. Daisy, the double chin, is back as well, someone I haven’t seen in quite some time.

I won’t keep you waiting. Below are my measurements and goal for this week:

I don’t want to start my deficit just yet, mostly because I’m worried my body will react badly so for now I’m sticking to 1,800 kcal per day, and working out 3-4 times each week.

Speaking of workouts, my hope is to do a 20 minute interval workout today followed by a couple of weighted shoulder-centric exercises.

Wednesday we’ll be doing a ton of walking, so I’ll stick to a simple, light lower body workout.

Friday I’m hoping to implement some different moves for an interval workout and a little bit of back strengthening yoga.

As mentioned, I’m not going into a deficit but I still need to have a goal, so this week I’m going to focus on getting my daily fix of that lovely liquid, H2O!

Here’s to hoping for a productive and successful week! What are your goals this week? Let me know down below!

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Building That Willpower Muscle

There’s no denying the biological reaction we get from food. Certain foods satisfy us for shorter periods, resulting in consuming more food and gaining weight. This is common knowledge.

What’s not common knowledge, or at least not practiced as much as exercise, is the use of willpower. It’s tough to break the cycle of turning to food that doesn’t satiate you, but using that metaphorical muscle known as willpower – warning, this is not the same for those who have been diagnosed with a food addiction, that’s a whole different psychological ball game.

Today, I practiced my willpower. To start the day, I had water. I had a doctor appointment, and I don’t know about you guys, but if my body is getting checked out, I don’t feel too hungry until I’ve had my peace of mind from the appointment. “Oh, I’m good to go? Groovy, time for an avocado salad, thank you!”

Luckily my appointment was early enough in the morning that I didn’t have to worry too much about hunger. After my appointment it was time to get groceries, but my husband and littlest kiddo were hungry, so where did they go? Oh, just Dunkin’ Donuts. No big.

Did the donut queen have any, though? No, I did not. And it’s not exactly that I didn’t want a donut… but I didn’t feel a particular necessity to get one. In recent months, I would have been on top of it, but after analyzing my erratic food behavior (restrict for awhile, go ham one day, eat at maintenance the next, etc.), I was able to ascertain what my body needed and legitimately craved. What I really needed to do was break the habit of being irregular with my food habits!

For one, I wanted a soy chai latte, because those drinks are delicious and don’t upset my stomach the way coffee and espresso have lately. After grocery shopping, we stopped at Starbucks and headed home. 310 kcals and 60g of carbs! Usually that would be way too much for me in a single sitting, but ya girl needed the energy, let me tell you!

The grocery shopping itself went so smoothly. I mean, we spent about an hour and a half getting everything (or at least almost everything) we needed, so we got some good movement in. Though I still have a leg workout and my kitchen cardio to do!

Yesterday, even, I was surprised at how smart I was being with my food choices – because I kept my goal in mind. My birthday is tomorrow and I have a feeling the pizza I have picked out, won’t even be entirely annihilated, not by me anyway.

Building that willpower, making better choices, staying active – all comes from the amount of effort you put into it. You can’t expect to build deltoids by sitting at a computer all day, nor can you burn fat by doing nothing. It takes dedication, and what’s helping me is keeping that end goal in my line of sight. AT. ALL. TIMES.

 

The Struggle Is REAL (and other updates)

Oh goodness, what’s it been? Three weeks?? 100% my bad!

Last week, I did a week of Whitney (which I’ll share with you guys in April when I do it again) but I couldn’t for the life of me bring myself to write a post. My meds have made me both nauseous and fatigued ever since I started them last month!

I’m getting ahead of myself already. Hi, hello, how are ya? Enjoying the weather change? We, the desert people, got SNOW last month. WHAT??

It was cold, but I miss it already. Earlier this week, it ended up getting pretty cold again and the mountains got some snow, but unfortunately, that cold crunchy goodness didn’t make its way back to us. Excuse me while I cry in my corner.

The transition from February to March was a rough one, mainly because of my meds but ever since my body has started adjusting (other than the fatigue and nausea which persist every day), I’ve come to a point of clarity: where I need to put more focus in, what I’ve decided to scrap, realizing that I need to hit the reset button on a few parts of my life.

This is gonna be a long one, I think, so strap in.

For starters, (beating a dead horse here but) my meds have definitely evened me out, though I still dip into my dissociative states. The only time I have any physiological anxiety symptoms is if I drink too much caffeine. Incidentally, the past week and a half of drinking coffee or espresso has resulted in some pretty bad cases of nausea, so I’ve stopped drinking my favorite beverage.

As for my physical well being. My March goals have basically been to work out 3-4 times a week, which I can proudly say I’ve accomplished! I mean, so far, it’s still only halfway through the month lol

Moving on to my YouTube channels: I privated most of my videos on my macrobabe channel because I felt like vlogging just wasn’t fun anymore, and if I vlog I want it to be because I have something of value to say or share, but not vlogging has shown me that I enjoy being present and not recording every moment of my life. It’s a lot more work than some folks realize. My booktube is still active because bookish goals are what I’m focusing on at the moment, and my commentary channel has slowed down in terms of content, because of my March goals.

Regarding my March goals, the main goal has been to flesh out and start writing my second novella, and plot the third. Since my other laptop died, I lost 99% of the information I had on the second in the series, which I think is a bit of a blessing. I dove head first rather than re-acquainting myself with my characters.

I’ve been doing tons of reading this month as well, 50% have been audiobooks, my new love. An audiobook I’m listening to currently is May Cause Miracles – a spirit junkie book that helped me a ton when I was having a hard time with my anxiety and identity issues a year and a half ago, so I want to see if I can start the 40 day program again with similar results. I felt so much better about myself when I did it, so it’s worth a shot, right?

On to a more serious topic that I’ve barely scratched the surface of on my commentary channel, and I told a few friends and my husband that I would be keeping things anonymous, should I decide to talk about it more:

I made a friend last year that pretty much turned my entire world upside down. I had a growing relationship with a group of people that she was a part of, and upon sparking a friendship with me, she made me think she was just like me – a mom trying to stay healthy, dealing with some mental health issues. I didn’t realize that it was likely a manipulation tactic.

She made it clear that there was a bitterness over how I was being treated by everyone else, and hinted that our friendship would cause a rift in the group, which I didn’t understand, I figured this would bring everyone closer together.

She slowly integrated gossip into our conversations which used to revolve around pregnancy, past abuse, depression and anxiety, and getting healthy. Through this gossip, she made me believe that everyone in the group would use her and then intentionally exclude her or make her feel bad about herself.

Eventually she told me about anyone who was her enemy at the time and complain about them, sharing their very personal information with me (whether it was her dad, her brother, her boyfriend, her long distance bff, her bff in the group, coworkers, everyone). I told her at the start of our friendship that I’m an open book, but I’m not graceful when it comes to social settings so if I mess up, just tell me.

At the time, I didn’t act out of malicious intent because I liked everyone, and I kept things in perspective. If person A snapped at me, I didn’t take it personally because I knew what person A was going through. She would take everything person A did to her as a personal assault against her, until I swooped in and reminded her that they were going through a lot! In terms of her, I was the first person she talked to whenever she was going through something. I’d gas her up, give her advice.

At one point she told me that I shouldn’t trust a person she and I were communicating with because that person was telling everyone else what the three of us talked about – what, jokes and the fact that she complained about the rest of the group not wanting the new person around? Direct quote: “Be careful, because person A told me you weren’t welcome at her house.” If you heard from a third party that you weren’t welcome in someone else’s home, wouldn’t you want to clear things up with the person directly? But I shouldn’t trust her because she confronted a pretty big issue head-on, something that I wasn’t even involved in?

Then she started talking about how everyone else talked about me behind my back. They would allegedly call me weird (and she claimed to defend me), they’d make fun of my wedding ideas, make fun of my body and my anxiety. She happened to be there every single time they talked about me, so that should have been a red flag. And yet I was dumb enough to believe her. I ended the friendship with a sense of uncertainty on how much she influenced the divide between what could have been a great relationship between me and everyone else – though I know there were other factors in that, but their actions against my family was too much at the time.

Before I ended the friendship, I gave her a heads up a month in advance that I was going to remove everyone from social media and get some space to get my head on right. I had already removed a couple people because of their actions (both directly and through the grapevine, to my knowledge my worst offense was being socially inept).

I truly think she used my removing her from social media as an excuse to tell everyone else that I was a bad friend, a bad mom, a bad everything – when the day before she would tell me how great I was, proud of my successes, happy that my husband and I found a new place, telling me that things would be so much better at the new place.

It makes me wonder what type of mask she was wearing when I wasn’t around. There were red flags, but I remained optimistic, until she continued to harass me via other people.

Anyway, why am I bringing all of that old news up, you may ask?

Well, it’s come to my attention that a get together is happening in June (or is it July? I can’t remember) with this group (minus the former friend that I spent way too long talking about above), and my husband wants me to go. Do I want to go? Not particularly, because of how I was treated by the other members of the group, which I feel was unwarranted – especially given that I asked one person who had a huge problem with me, unknown how much of that was influenced by the former friend, if we could sit down and talk. I wanted to get a better understanding of why she felt resentment towards me or why she felt that I was fake for being friends with someone who was supposed to be her best friend, if there was a way I could fix things, or if there was a personality flaw that I needed to work on, or maybe it was something going on with her. The talk never happened so all of that was left unanswered and I kinda just gave up.

So now I’m at a point of having to decide if I want to put myself in a position that might set me back mentally, for the sake of my family. We’ll see how the next couple months go. Like I said above, maybe I need to hit the reset button?

OH! I almost forget to mention that St. Patrick’s Day is this Sunday so obviously I’m gonna have to make a post with some food. Look out for that! Until next time!

Monday GUNday

Good morning my beautiful followers! As the title suggests, it’s an upper body day. I’m going to keep things short and sweet today, rather than adding my commentary because ya girl has a bunch of tasks to do on this fine Monday!

3×8 Standing V-raise (3 lbs)
(going into)
Whitney Simmons Shoulder Day IG Post
(going into)
3×8 Hammer Curls (10lb each)
3×8 In n Out Curls (10lb each)
3×8 Tricep Extension (10lb)
3×6 Oil Riggers
3×10 Tricep Dips

I didn’t time my workout and I still have about 30 minutes of kitchen cardio to do, but WOO! Mama feels GREAT! Have a wonderful Monday and rest of the week, everyone!

A surprising loss + A week of workouts

This week was one of the hardest in terms of the whole “sugar free” challenge. You’d be surprised where added sugar is hiding. I was pretty disappointed over the fact that I didn’t get to drink my Bolthouse Farms Mocha Cappuccino protein drink (40g added sugar PER SERVING… there’s two servings per bottle, whaaaaat).

I haven’t missed a workout yet, which I’m pretty pleased about – though I think yesterday’s ab session was a little meh, due to my anxiety being absolutely insane. Before I get into my measurements and weight, I wanted to share the workouts I did this week (and will do today).

Monday and Tuesday are already logged, of course.

Wednesday I did my Upper Body Slay (and I have that planned for today as well)

Thursday I did the same as Tuesday’s workout, except with less oomph.

Now it’s time to get into what we’ve all be waiting for. My weight: it flickered between 154 and 156. Af first I was worried because…. um… hello, I’ve been working out, moving more, sorta sleeping regularly. But I gained? Then it sunk in… dude, you’ve been working out. Weighted workouts, resistance, cardio. Of course you gained. Your muscles are probably growing, silly! Admittedly I haven’t eaten much this week, which is a problem that I need to sort out as well.

So while I lost fat in my arms (thank goodness), I gained muscle in my legs! I’ve been doing a lot more kitchen cardio and I walk outdoors when I can.

Weight: +0-2lbs
Inches: -1.5 (overall)

I’m feeling a lot more motivated seeing that progress, but the biggest challenge is going to be NOT OBSESSING.

2019 Resolutions: I’m coming for ya!

Sure, I failed my 2018 resolutions and I’m sure I’ll fail with my 2019 goals, but at least I can say I’ve made an effort to change and do better. That’s better than being unhappy as a stick in the mud, with no drive or will to improve whatsoever, right?

Just like last year, I’m giving you the list, and then getting in depth below:

  1. Lose 30 pounds (which would put me at around 120)
  2. Record 3 total videos each week (one per channel)
  3. Read 50 books – trades and graphic novels included
  4. Make a task list every. single. day!

Four goals, not too difficult, right? Well, we’ll see. Now, to the nitty gritty.

FIRST GOAL: Lose 30 pounds

I’m in the 150 range, so I think 30 would be a healthy amount to lose to get me to a starting point where I can start focusing solely on strength and muscle building. My current state of chronic pain doesn’t allow me to do much weight training as I’d like. Every time I want to dive back into lifting, I get a few days in, a couple of weeks if I’m lucky, and then my body starts reverting into that “hell no, you need to rest for a month” stage, which causes me to slip into depressive, though functional, states.

I should be meeting with a doctor this month, so my intention is to bring up my goal of losing 30 pounds and see if there should be any adjustments to that. If there is, I’ll update you guys. If not… I’ll still update you guys as often as my butt can get on here. Clearly, that is a challenge.

SECOND GOAL: Record 3 videos per week (one per channel)

This one will be met with some friction, I already know. I take a long time to edit even just a 10 minute video because I have an entire house to keep clean, 3 kids to keep happy, well-mannered, and healthy, and having a social media presence is sort of required if I want my channels to grow. I’m hoping that with a goal of ONE video per channel instead of two per channel, it’ll give me a chance to focus on my home life, social media presence, and also work on the quality of my content, rather than me just trying to push out content for the sake of content. If that makes sense.

With the growth I’ve seen in the last two weeks on my discussion channel, I’ve purchased a new mic to increase the quality of the videos… for some reason my webcam’s mic just doesn’t pick up sound as well.

THIRD GOAL: Read 50 books – trades and graphic novels included

Last year, my reading goal was 25 books, which I exceeded by 3, if we’re just counting novels and not graphic novels, comics, novellas, etc. So why not double it and give myself a bit of a challenge.

Speaking of challenges, I want to incorporate the 2018 Read Harder challenge into this 50 book goal, which you can find here! Thanks to the overdrive and hoopla apps (and our frequent library trips), this could serve as a much more realistic, solid resolution.

FOURTH GOAL: Make a daily task list

I did this for months in 2018 and it helped me stay on top of our home, though I didn’t always get to everything. It tapered off in the summer, and started up again when we moved into our new house. I’m hoping to keep to a DAILY list this year, to maximize my productivity, and minimize my anxiety.

This year I’m hoping to throw caution to the wind and be unapologetically me, without worrying about the judgment of others because let’s be honest, not everyone has a goal to focus on. Let them eat cake and judge.

Let’s go, 2019!

Motherhood Depression

We’ve all heard of post-partum depression and while I’ve never dealt with that, I have dealt with depression my whole life, and depression as a result of being a mommy. Before you twist my words, let me explain what I mean by that.

Being a mom is already a taxing, and thankless job. Yes, I’m saying it is a job because it is hard work! When I became a mother for the first time, I was not together, my anxiety was absolutely through the roof, and I felt completely unprepared. It didn’t help that I was the almost on my own raising him. Point being, it’s work!

Lately there’ve been a few celebrity suicides in the news, and I think it’s important to point that out regardless if they’re parents or not, because the root cause of it is depression. Post partum depression is not uncommon – and if you’re dealing with that, I urge you to try your hardest to reach out.

I made a friend in the past couple months who I’ve gotten close to, and she’s a mom as well. One of the main things we’ve been able to bond over is depression. When you’re a mom, there’s a lot of judgment – not just from other parents, but of complete strangers, exes, exes’ new beaus, etc. It feels like the list goes on. It doesn’t matter what we do, someone is going to think we’re doing it wrong and that can weigh heavily on a parent.

Additionally, when you’re a working parent, it’s hard to find time to be active, keep up with household chores or repairs, keep the kids happy, socialize with your own friends, etc. All of those things can play a role in depression.

I know there are those who think depression is all in your head (um, yeah, that’s why it’s called a mental disorder), but if you see a friend who seems off, please reach out. Depression makes it very difficult for those suffering to reach out, so it’s important for us to help our loved ones!

Here are some helpful phone numbers, I urge you to copy and paste them if you know of anyone in need of help!

US Suicide Hotline 1-800-784-2433
NDMDA Depression Hotline – Support Group 800-826-3632
Suicide Prevention Services Crisis Hotline 800-784-2433
Suicide Prevention Services Depression Hotline 630-482-9696
Child Abuse Hotline – Support & Information 800-422-4453
Crisis Help Line – For Any Kind of Crisis 800-233-4357
Domestic & Teen Dating Violence (English & Spanish) 800-992-2600
Parental Stress Hotline – Help for Parents 800-632-8188
Runaway Hotline (All Calls are Confidential) 800-231-6946
Sexual Assault Hotline (24/7, English & Spanish) 800-223-5001
Suicide & Depression Hotline – Covenant House 800-999-9999
National Child Abuse Hotline 800-422-4453
National Domestic Violence Hotline 800-799-SAFE
National Domestic Violence Hotline (TDD) 800-787-3224
National Youth Crisis Hotline 800-448-4663

Bridal Boot Camp: Check In #2


What a long week it’s been! We spent the better part of the week at the hotel and it was an amazing change of scenery. Sometimes it’s good to get away from the monotony of every day life for a little reset.

We went swimming every single day (and a couple of nights as well), and we made some friends – I’ll have a vlog up for you guys later, I recorded a lot of videos. Despite my husband having to work still, even he felt like this was a nice getaway – he invited his coworkers over to grill and swim with us. This little staycation gave us a taste of what it’ll be like at our new house!

Now to the progress/setbacks:

Despite being out of the house, I still wanted to get my workouts in and eat as close to my “diet” as possible. I took measurements on Monday and noticed how my body has stayed within an inch or two of what those measurements were, for a few months with very minor fluctuations. My most successful month this year has been January because of how restricted my diet was – I don’t mean I wasn’t allowed good food, but I definitely limited myself to no outside food (no chips, no fast food, no added sugar, etc.).

I got my juices in each day – though I completely forgot my Greek yogurt at home, so it wasn’t as thick and smoothie-like. The groovy thing about the hotel was that it was fully furnished – no, I mean, FULLY furnished! Microwave, blender, washing machine and dryer… everything! We managed to stock up the fridge with tons of goodies for everyone, including some salads that my husband picked up on the way back from work!

As for my workouts. I did a little bit of everything, but I wanted to focus on my midsection a little more than everything else – so while I still did some simple arm and leg work, I worked on strengthening my core, and some back stretches as well.

My overall loss in the past week has been 3 inches! I’m quite proud of myself, I must say! Most of the loss came from my legs, but 1/2 an inch was around my hips so I’m pleased with that.

My back pain hasn’t entirely improved – it was good and then Thursday it was just awful, and after coming back to the house, the first morning felt better and it’s been downhill, so I’m going to try really hard to do at least 10 minutes of yoga + stretching twice a day. Fingers crossed and if you have any suggestions, please comment below!

All in all, a successful week and I hope to see more of that this summer. Let’s get to it!

 

Bridal Boot Camp: Check In #1 (oops)

We’re on a roll – much later than expected, but hey, we’re working on it. I’ve finally managed to measure myself this month (it’s been a lot busier than I could’ve predicted, but the boys have been having a blast).

In this post I mentioned to you what my plans were with diet and exercise. Back pain is still pretty bad, but it’s at least steadying and not getting worse. My diet has been pretty good, I’ve lost a teensy bit around my belly, a bit of a stubborn fat area.

My thinking was that I would just eat whatever I wanted on Sundays, and the rest of the week would be straddling the line between strict and intuitive. Well, it turns out aside from the mimosas I had with one of my lovely friends (still not too shabby), I ate intuitively! My stomach led me to say no to a bagel and cream cheese, but to have a strawberry kale smoothie instead. Dinner was hearty, but still pretty good all things considered!

I feel pretty confident with what this month can bring me, or what I can take from it, rather. I’m actually going to be taking a little vacation with the boys while the house is worked on, and I’m really excited for the change of scenery. We’re staying in the same city, but even still, it’s at least closer to civilization!

I’ll check in with you guys when I can and let’s hope for a groovy mini-vacay, and a spectacular, successful June!