Tag Archives: health

Reverse DIETING?!?!?!

Hello and welcome back everyone, I wanted to give you a little update of the experiment I’ve been implementing into my daily life: reverse dieting!!!

Y’see I did the foolish, total amateur thing by being on a deficit for the better part of 2, I could even say 3 years – during my last pregnancy I was always on my feet, moving, walking every single day, climbing stairs at my apartment complex – third floor tenant – and I definitely did not eat as much as I should have with all of that activity.

What I should have done was PAY ATTENTION. After my pregnancy I wasn’t too hungry, most of the time. When I wanted to start actively losing my extra pounds, I started eating regularly and exercising. I saw some amazing results in just a couple months… but the results started to come slower and slower until they stopped. So I switched my diet – constantly. I finally found intermittent fasting which was so convenient for me! I saw a little bit of loss but that slowed down pretty quickly.

A month ago, I noticed that eating more than 1,200 calories would result in weight gain. Like a good certified personal trainer (who has pretty much used the training a handful of times and definitely not kept up-to-date with new information in the health and fitness community) I decided to do some research.

To sum it up, too much cardio will result in your body losing muscle, therefore slowing your metabolism. Additionally, being in a deficit for an extended period will put your body in a sort of metabolic stasis. Your deficit becomes the maintenance, if that makes sense. So any increase will result in a gain.

To offset this, I turn to the handy dandy tool called: reverse dieting!!! I want to be transparent here and let you know that for 5 years between my teen and twenties, I suffered from a mental illness called anorexia nervosa. My metabolism and organ systems have already taken a massive hit before, so it stands to reason that my body would react as though I were starving myself… again. Because of that I desperately need to repair the broken system that is my metabolism. That’s where this tool comes in!

For most, reverse dieting is a fairly simple process of gradual calorie increase until the body becomes efficient at maintenance without much fat gain. However, due to my long and abusive relationship with food and my own body, this is a process that has definitely resulted in weight gain. This month I’ve gained 5 pounds on top of what I had gained back from this year’s goal of 30 pounds. So I’m at a goal of 35 pounds now… kinda disappointing, since I truly believed I was being smart and working hard – unfortunately obsession overcame the resolution, and well, here we are.

Right now, with my activity level, I’m at 1,800 kcal at maintenance. It doesn’t seem like a lot, right? I used to eat that and lose a pound each week! Age plays a little bit of a factor as well unfortunately. And chronic pain, and my meds side effects, it’s just a big ol thing.

Because of this, I want to be completely transparent and honest with everyone on this journey of reverse dieting, and fat loss/weight loss, whilst dealing with the BS that is an eating disorder. I’m guessing if I were to be diagnosed today, I’d fall under EDNOS. Tomorrow I’ll be doing the 1st measure-in in quite some time. I hope you guys are down for this journey. It’s gonna be a doozy!

I hope everyone has had an amaaazing weekend. Let me know what your goals are in the comments!

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Weekend Workout!

The past two days have been pretty groovy… except that my pain flare-ups have been frequent and intense! Not even ibuprofen has helped (no real surprise there). I’ve taken baths, had some massages from my devoted husband, and yet, there I was on my birthday and the day after my birthday. Hurting.

Luckily, walking tends to ease my pain, at least for an hour or so. So I went for a nice, brisk walk for about 30 minutes each day. Still, the pain returned. It was all right, I still managed to get done all the things I needed to, though I definitely crashed a LOT earlier than I usually would.

Since I missed my strength training workouts for those two days, I decided to do my best on the weekend, which brings me to my first workout that I managed with minimal pain! Today I decided to do legs and booty, check it out:

Alternate leg lifts: 3×8 side, 3×8 back
Plie squats: 3×10
Calf raise: 3×12
Seated calf raise with 20lb weight: 3×10
Squats: 3×10

I still have to do my cardio, which will be walking with the kiddos on our favorite trail after naptime. I hope everyone is having a groovy weekend!

Building That Willpower Muscle

There’s no denying the biological reaction we get from food. Certain foods satisfy us for shorter periods, resulting in consuming more food and gaining weight. This is common knowledge.

What’s not common knowledge, or at least not practiced as much as exercise, is the use of willpower. It’s tough to break the cycle of turning to food that doesn’t satiate you, but using that metaphorical muscle known as willpower – warning, this is not the same for those who have been diagnosed with a food addiction, that’s a whole different psychological ball game.

Today, I practiced my willpower. To start the day, I had water. I had a doctor appointment, and I don’t know about you guys, but if my body is getting checked out, I don’t feel too hungry until I’ve had my peace of mind from the appointment. “Oh, I’m good to go? Groovy, time for an avocado salad, thank you!”

Luckily my appointment was early enough in the morning that I didn’t have to worry too much about hunger. After my appointment it was time to get groceries, but my husband and littlest kiddo were hungry, so where did they go? Oh, just Dunkin’ Donuts. No big.

Did the donut queen have any, though? No, I did not. And it’s not exactly that I didn’t want a donut… but I didn’t feel a particular necessity to get one. In recent months, I would have been on top of it, but after analyzing my erratic food behavior (restrict for awhile, go ham one day, eat at maintenance the next, etc.), I was able to ascertain what my body needed and legitimately craved. What I really needed to do was break the habit of being irregular with my food habits!

For one, I wanted a soy chai latte, because those drinks are delicious and don’t upset my stomach the way coffee and espresso have lately. After grocery shopping, we stopped at Starbucks and headed home. 310 kcals and 60g of carbs! Usually that would be way too much for me in a single sitting, but ya girl needed the energy, let me tell you!

The grocery shopping itself went so smoothly. I mean, we spent about an hour and a half getting everything (or at least almost everything) we needed, so we got some good movement in. Though I still have a leg workout and my kitchen cardio to do!

Yesterday, even, I was surprised at how smart I was being with my food choices – because I kept my goal in mind. My birthday is tomorrow and I have a feeling the pizza I have picked out, won’t even be entirely annihilated, not by me anyway.

Building that willpower, making better choices, staying active – all comes from the amount of effort you put into it. You can’t expect to build deltoids by sitting at a computer all day, nor can you burn fat by doing nothing. It takes dedication, and what’s helping me is keeping that end goal in my line of sight. AT. ALL. TIMES.

 

Strong ARM-ing This Monday

It’s Monday, and you know what that means! Working these guns!

[edit: I totally forgot to post this because after writing this post out, life got busy and then I managed to crash at 10pm, so this is probably going to be a double post kinda day… my bad!]

Ordinarily I like to get my workout done in the morning, but I didn’t have time, so it was 3pm by the time I was free to get my sweat on. Check out my moves down below. All done with 10 lb dumbbells!

Kitchen cardio: 3 – 10 minute increments
Breaking my cardio into 10 minute increments has been a lot more convenient for me, given that it wasn’t nap time. I could do 10 minutes jogging in place, followed by a diaper change, 10 more minutes, oh it’s time to switch the laundry, 10 more minutes, and time to prepare dinner!

Bicep/Back:

3×5 Dumbbell front raise into press
3×8 Hammer curls
3×6 Bent-over reverse fly
3×8 Dumbbell back rows
3×10 Alternate bicep curl

I would have liked to include one or two more exercises, but I was crunched for time so this is where I left it. I’d say it was a pretty decent workout – definitely not overworking myself like I usually do. I’m learning to practice the popular phrase of “pace yourself”.

The Struggle Is REAL (and other updates)

Oh goodness, what’s it been? Three weeks?? 100% my bad!

Last week, I did a week of Whitney (which I’ll share with you guys in April when I do it again) but I couldn’t for the life of me bring myself to write a post. My meds have made me both nauseous and fatigued ever since I started them last month!

I’m getting ahead of myself already. Hi, hello, how are ya? Enjoying the weather change? We, the desert people, got SNOW last month. WHAT??

It was cold, but I miss it already. Earlier this week, it ended up getting pretty cold again and the mountains got some snow, but unfortunately, that cold crunchy goodness didn’t make its way back to us. Excuse me while I cry in my corner.

The transition from February to March was a rough one, mainly because of my meds but ever since my body has started adjusting (other than the fatigue and nausea which persist every day), I’ve come to a point of clarity: where I need to put more focus in, what I’ve decided to scrap, realizing that I need to hit the reset button on a few parts of my life.

This is gonna be a long one, I think, so strap in.

For starters, (beating a dead horse here but) my meds have definitely evened me out, though I still dip into my dissociative states. The only time I have any physiological anxiety symptoms is if I drink too much caffeine. Incidentally, the past week and a half of drinking coffee or espresso has resulted in some pretty bad cases of nausea, so I’ve stopped drinking my favorite beverage.

As for my physical well being. My March goals have basically been to work out 3-4 times a week, which I can proudly say I’ve accomplished! I mean, so far, it’s still only halfway through the month lol

Moving on to my YouTube channels: I privated most of my videos on my macrobabe channel because I felt like vlogging just wasn’t fun anymore, and if I vlog I want it to be because I have something of value to say or share, but not vlogging has shown me that I enjoy being present and not recording every moment of my life. It’s a lot more work than some folks realize. My booktube is still active because bookish goals are what I’m focusing on at the moment, and my commentary channel has slowed down in terms of content, because of my March goals.

Regarding my March goals, the main goal has been to flesh out and start writing my second novella, and plot the third. Since my other laptop died, I lost 99% of the information I had on the second in the series, which I think is a bit of a blessing. I dove head first rather than re-acquainting myself with my characters.

I’ve been doing tons of reading this month as well, 50% have been audiobooks, my new love. An audiobook I’m listening to currently is May Cause Miracles – a spirit junkie book that helped me a ton when I was having a hard time with my anxiety and identity issues a year and a half ago, so I want to see if I can start the 40 day program again with similar results. I felt so much better about myself when I did it, so it’s worth a shot, right?

On to a more serious topic that I’ve barely scratched the surface of on my commentary channel, and I told a few friends and my husband that I would be keeping things anonymous, should I decide to talk about it more:

I made a friend last year that pretty much turned my entire world upside down. I had a growing relationship with a group of people that she was a part of, and upon sparking a friendship with me, she made me think she was just like me – a mom trying to stay healthy, dealing with some mental health issues. I didn’t realize that it was likely a manipulation tactic.

She made it clear that there was a bitterness over how I was being treated by everyone else, and hinted that our friendship would cause a rift in the group, which I didn’t understand, I figured this would bring everyone closer together.

She slowly integrated gossip into our conversations which used to revolve around pregnancy, past abuse, depression and anxiety, and getting healthy. Through this gossip, she made me believe that everyone in the group would use her and then intentionally exclude her or make her feel bad about herself.

Eventually she told me about anyone who was her enemy at the time and complain about them, sharing their very personal information with me (whether it was her dad, her brother, her boyfriend, her long distance bff, her bff in the group, coworkers, everyone). I told her at the start of our friendship that I’m an open book, but I’m not graceful when it comes to social settings so if I mess up, just tell me.

At the time, I didn’t act out of malicious intent because I liked everyone, and I kept things in perspective. If person A snapped at me, I didn’t take it personally because I knew what person A was going through. She would take everything person A did to her as a personal assault against her, until I swooped in and reminded her that they were going through a lot! In terms of her, I was the first person she talked to whenever she was going through something. I’d gas her up, give her advice.

At one point she told me that I shouldn’t trust a person she and I were communicating with because that person was telling everyone else what the three of us talked about – what, jokes and the fact that she complained about the rest of the group not wanting the new person around? Direct quote: “Be careful, because person A told me you weren’t welcome at her house.” If you heard from a third party that you weren’t welcome in someone else’s home, wouldn’t you want to clear things up with the person directly? But I shouldn’t trust her because she confronted a pretty big issue head-on, something that I wasn’t even involved in?

Then she started talking about how everyone else talked about me behind my back. They would allegedly call me weird (and she claimed to defend me), they’d make fun of my wedding ideas, make fun of my body and my anxiety. She happened to be there every single time they talked about me, so that should have been a red flag. And yet I was dumb enough to believe her. I ended the friendship with a sense of uncertainty on how much she influenced the divide between what could have been a great relationship between me and everyone else – though I know there were other factors in that, but their actions against my family was too much at the time.

Before I ended the friendship, I gave her a heads up a month in advance that I was going to remove everyone from social media and get some space to get my head on right. I had already removed a couple people because of their actions (both directly and through the grapevine, to my knowledge my worst offense was being socially inept).

I truly think she used my removing her from social media as an excuse to tell everyone else that I was a bad friend, a bad mom, a bad everything – when the day before she would tell me how great I was, proud of my successes, happy that my husband and I found a new place, telling me that things would be so much better at the new place.

It makes me wonder what type of mask she was wearing when I wasn’t around. There were red flags, but I remained optimistic, until she continued to harass me via other people.

Anyway, why am I bringing all of that old news up, you may ask?

Well, it’s come to my attention that a get together is happening in June (or is it July? I can’t remember) with this group (minus the former friend that I spent way too long talking about above), and my husband wants me to go. Do I want to go? Not particularly, because of how I was treated by the other members of the group, which I feel was unwarranted – especially given that I asked one person who had a huge problem with me, unknown how much of that was influenced by the former friend, if we could sit down and talk. I wanted to get a better understanding of why she felt resentment towards me or why she felt that I was fake for being friends with someone who was supposed to be her best friend, if there was a way I could fix things, or if there was a personality flaw that I needed to work on, or maybe it was something going on with her. The talk never happened so all of that was left unanswered and I kinda just gave up.

So now I’m at a point of having to decide if I want to put myself in a position that might set me back mentally, for the sake of my family. We’ll see how the next couple months go. Like I said above, maybe I need to hit the reset button?

OH! I almost forget to mention that St. Patrick’s Day is this Sunday so obviously I’m gonna have to make a post with some food. Look out for that! Until next time!

A surprising loss + A week of workouts

This week was one of the hardest in terms of the whole “sugar free” challenge. You’d be surprised where added sugar is hiding. I was pretty disappointed over the fact that I didn’t get to drink my Bolthouse Farms Mocha Cappuccino protein drink (40g added sugar PER SERVING… there’s two servings per bottle, whaaaaat).

I haven’t missed a workout yet, which I’m pretty pleased about – though I think yesterday’s ab session was a little meh, due to my anxiety being absolutely insane. Before I get into my measurements and weight, I wanted to share the workouts I did this week (and will do today).

Monday and Tuesday are already logged, of course.

Wednesday I did my Upper Body Slay (and I have that planned for today as well)

Thursday I did the same as Tuesday’s workout, except with less oomph.

Now it’s time to get into what we’ve all be waiting for. My weight: it flickered between 154 and 156. Af first I was worried because…. um… hello, I’ve been working out, moving more, sorta sleeping regularly. But I gained? Then it sunk in… dude, you’ve been working out. Weighted workouts, resistance, cardio. Of course you gained. Your muscles are probably growing, silly! Admittedly I haven’t eaten much this week, which is a problem that I need to sort out as well.

So while I lost fat in my arms (thank goodness), I gained muscle in my legs! I’ve been doing a lot more kitchen cardio and I walk outdoors when I can.

Weight: +0-2lbs
Inches: -1.5 (overall)

I’m feeling a lot more motivated seeing that progress, but the biggest challenge is going to be NOT OBSESSING.

I did not want to do this workout.

Today was a rough momming day. Or at least that’s how it felt by 4 o clock. I woke up, got my BANG, did my morning stretches and the rest of my morning routine (which I won’t bore you with). I did kitchen cardio after that, and debated whether or not to save my mid-section workout for right after, or nap time… Neither happened.

I didn’t get to my workout until almost 8:30 pm! I wanted to be in bed by that time, but mom life is the hard life, lemme tell ya! I was feeling so discouraged that I wanted to just grab all of the naan in the fridge and eat it, and say screw the workout.

But I didn’t because ya girl needs to SHAPE UP! So after the boys went to bed, I took a deep breath, played 15 minutes of a video game, and told myself it was time to get that workout in. It was rough and you can tell how weak my midsection is just by looking at what little I managed to do, but the key is that I got it done.

Ab/Lower Back Moves:

Reverse crunch 3×15
Hip Thrusts/Bridge Pulses 3×20
Side crunch 3×12 (per side)
Butterfly crunch 3×15
Planks 3x (30 sec, 45 sec, 1 min)
Supermans 3×6 (hold 10-15 sec)
Back extensions 3x 30 sec

Sometimes being stubborn pays off! Tomorrow is upper body day, so I might have something new to share with you guys. Bye for now!

Legs and Booty | Monday Workout

February is going to come with a lot of different challenges (no added sugar, 5 workouts a week, two being core-centric, on top of everything I’m already trying to achieve). I measured myself today – something I completely forgot to do on Friday – and I weighed myself, unfortunately after I had already drank half of my day’s worth of water so it may have been skewed.

I’m not too pleased with the results, but I know I gave myself a break on our vacation, so I’m trying to see that as “happy” weight. HOWEVER, it’s crunch time… literally! No, not literally because it’s lower body day, but I mean it’s time to kick this FABuary off. The first of this week’s five workouts is my bootylicious workout with more moves, as follows (with pictures below):

Clamshells 3×10 (each side)
Donkey kicks 3×10 (each side)
Inner Thigh Lifts 3×15 (each side)
Bridge Thrusts 3×20
Grasshoppers 3×12

Clamshells:

Donkey Kicks:

Inner Thigh Lift:

Bridge Thrust:

Grasshopper:

My lower body is sore as hell, but it’ll all pay off eventually. Three months from now, I’ll be glad I kept going.

First Weighted Workout of 2019!!!

I haven’t been too in depth about my chronic pain with you folks, but let’s just say my weighted workouts have been fewer and farther in between as 2018 progressed. It seemed that no amount of “rest” or “recovery” time helped. To clarify: my body rarely hurts when I’m active, and in fact I feel pretty good for 30 minutes to a couple hours afterwards, but as the months dragged on, my bad pain days became a lot more common than my feel-good days, which makes finding the motivation to lift weights a bit of a challenge.

However, I’m pleased to say that I did my very first weighted workout of the year – 10 days in, not too bad if you ask me! Down below I’ve got my delt before pic and the exercises that I did. Hopefully I can build my delt muscles and lose some fat.

“Before” pic:

Exercises (sets)x(reps):

3×6 Double Forward Dumbbell Raise – 10 lbs
3×8 Bent Dumbbell Rows (alternating b/n wife and closed rows) – 20 lbs
3×8 Lateral Raise – 20 lbs
3×6 Shoulder Press – 20 lbs
3×5 Back Fly – 20 lbs
1 minutes of Prayer Pumps

There may be days, or weeks even, where I won’t be able to work out. I’m slowly learning to accept that. For now, I’m incredibly proud of this workout, and if you’re interested in hearing more or following along this journey, stay tuned because tomorrow I’ll have my weigh-in and more!

Bridal Boot Camp: Check In #2


What a long week it’s been! We spent the better part of the week at the hotel and it was an amazing change of scenery. Sometimes it’s good to get away from the monotony of every day life for a little reset.

We went swimming every single day (and a couple of nights as well), and we made some friends – I’ll have a vlog up for you guys later, I recorded a lot of videos. Despite my husband having to work still, even he felt like this was a nice getaway – he invited his coworkers over to grill and swim with us. This little staycation gave us a taste of what it’ll be like at our new house!

Now to the progress/setbacks:

Despite being out of the house, I still wanted to get my workouts in and eat as close to my “diet” as possible. I took measurements on Monday and noticed how my body has stayed within an inch or two of what those measurements were, for a few months with very minor fluctuations. My most successful month this year has been January because of how restricted my diet was – I don’t mean I wasn’t allowed good food, but I definitely limited myself to no outside food (no chips, no fast food, no added sugar, etc.).

I got my juices in each day – though I completely forgot my Greek yogurt at home, so it wasn’t as thick and smoothie-like. The groovy thing about the hotel was that it was fully furnished – no, I mean, FULLY furnished! Microwave, blender, washing machine and dryer… everything! We managed to stock up the fridge with tons of goodies for everyone, including some salads that my husband picked up on the way back from work!

As for my workouts. I did a little bit of everything, but I wanted to focus on my midsection a little more than everything else – so while I still did some simple arm and leg work, I worked on strengthening my core, and some back stretches as well.

My overall loss in the past week has been 3 inches! I’m quite proud of myself, I must say! Most of the loss came from my legs, but 1/2 an inch was around my hips so I’m pleased with that.

My back pain hasn’t entirely improved – it was good and then Thursday it was just awful, and after coming back to the house, the first morning felt better and it’s been downhill, so I’m going to try really hard to do at least 10 minutes of yoga + stretching twice a day. Fingers crossed and if you have any suggestions, please comment below!

All in all, a successful week and I hope to see more of that this summer. Let’s get to it!