Tag Archives: good vibes

Even Trolls Are Allowed to Feel Pretty

Usually Wednesday is our errand day. We take care of any clothes, groceries, miscellaneous shopping, but my husband got this Tuesday off of work and with the crazy scheduling from here all through April, we decided to do it a day early. Adulting 101 is getting it done ASAP instead of procrastinating like the lazy ogre that we all wish we could be.

Grocery shopping was a breeze, all things considered. We got some goodies for the boys to splurge on for Spring Break-

(ok, try and tell me that’s not what you hear every time someone mentions Spring Break, because my mind automatically plays this clip. On repeat.)

We also got some chocolate milk to bribe the youngest of our kids into pooping in the potty. It worked with the others, so fingers crossed! Knowing my luck, he’ll be more interested in snagging some spicy chips (something we didn’t get because we would go ham on a bag of spicy chips; it wouldn’t last more than a couple hours)! I ended up getting wine and a super delicious but unhealthy pot pie as a reward for finishing a 10k word day hopefully this week – fingers crossed on that one.

I won’t bore you with the rest of our grocery list, because that’s not really the point here, but you know how much ya girl loves to overshare…

After we checked all of our items, paid, and made our way towards the exit, a lovely woman caught my eye. She was wearing this bright as sunshine dress with gold strappy sandals. The whole outfit reminded me of my mission to make this year center around my journey towards becoming a goddess. A savage goddess, but a goddess nonetheless.

I watched as she passed me, having the grace and style to match. She carried herself with an air of freedom that I’ve never had about myself. I’ve always wanted to wear pretty things, but I’ve always felt lumpy and awkward, almost like my only style is workout clothes.

I mean, looking in the mirror, I don’t always like what I see, especially today. My hair is a dishwater mix of blonde and brown that is far too thick for my head, my skin is blotchy and currently breaking out in little bumps all over the place, and no matter how much I try to lose belly and arm fat – it’s just so stubborn.

I turned to my husband as she passed us and said in a low voice, “I wish I could pull off clothes like that.” He looked up at me with a blank expression, asking for clarification. I nodded towards the Sun Goddess, and he grinned at me. “Oh, you definitely can.”

And right at that moment, with all of the elegance of a gassy sea lion, I belched.

“Well, maybe a little less of that.” My husband said before bursting into laughter over my unexpected faux pas. It got me thinking… what makes that woman different? Or any of the people on Instagram I’m following? Or one of my best friends, who’s also struggling to lose the extra weight and feel comfortable in her skin. That best friend has a bunch of adorable dresses which she absolutely SLAYS in.

I have dresses and yet I don’t wear them nearly enough – and summer is coming rapidly. I don’t want to wait to lose X amount of pounds to feel cute in my clothes. Why should anyone have to wait for a specific size to feel good and complete in their own skin?

My goal: Stop dressing down, and start gettin’ comfortable with showing my inner goddess off! Does that mean I’ll stop my weight loss journey? Heck no! But I’m not waiting around for that body either.

Now, if you need a reminder: Look at yourself in the mirror. Even on your worst days, where you feel like a bridge troll, remind yourself that you are a Goddess with so much to offer this world, and you deserve to feel just as lovely as that gorgeous girl in the grocery store!


Lessons We Learn From Spring

My birthday is on the cusp of this season of awakenings and rebirths, so naturally I wanted to share my thoughts on this season. There are many perks to Spring, not limited to:

  • well, my birthday, of course *straightens my Goddess leaf headpiece*
  • the smell of rain showers
  • unpredictable weather making every day an adventure
  • some goodies are in season, like spinach, kale, and asparagus
  • beautiful flowers are in bloom

With all of the obvious, tangible things that Spring brings, there are also deeper lessons we can all learn and appreciate from this beautiful, refreshing season.

The beauty after the storm:

Beautiful things happen after some of the darkest times, and just like the storms feeding the flowers, these dark times feed our need to persevere. There’s a calm clarity that comes after every depression I find myself slumped in (diagnosed BPD, but I think this can be related to those who aren’t mentally ill).

Patience is bitter but its fruits are sweet:

I’ve noticed that even with my own generation, there’s a need to do everything with speed. There’s a sort of desperation as though the very life is dependent on how quickly you can deliver, but taking time to put in the effort and make something beautiful produces a much better result than rushing through it blindly. In the age of instant-gratification, it’s a challenge, but nothing good ever came easy.

It’s never too late to turn a new leaf:

Each year the trees lose their leaves and in the spring they grow and become elegant once again. Why contain ourselves to seasons when we have every single day to start fresh? Every morning, you have the choice to start the day with a positive attitude, to be productive, to look at yourself in the mirror and recite affirmations. There will be bad days, but not every day needs to start with the fear that it’s going to be that way.

Nothing lasts forever:

Just as those bad days don’t last forever, neither do positive affirmations guarantee a perpetually happy mood. Embracing the highs and the lows for what they are, rather than resisting the latter, is much more beneficial. A study was done on embracing bad days, which stated that doing so makes it less likely for subjects to experience persistent negative emotions in following months.

In short, stop and smell the roses. Life moves at much too fast a pace to be on a constant grind. Enjoy yourself and take in the surroundings, play in the sunshine, splash in the puddles. Live life!


I FAILED My Resolutions & That’s Ok!

I remember how stoked I was in December 2017 to set my goals for the following year (ahem, hi 2018). I thought they were achievable even though I made sure they were BIG. Go big or go home, right? But I also had a lot of secret goals that I didn’t want to share with everyone until I was close to achieving them (like shedding back and hip fat).

Imagine my absolute shock (sense the sarcasm) when I did NOT achieve all of my goals! Let me break it down for you (or you can go to my original post here).

These are the goals I WANTED to achieve:

  • Wear a bikini (with confidence) by swimming season
  • Improve form and posture
  • Two Macrobabe videos per week
  • Experiment with new recipes

And theses are the goals I actually achieved:

  • Wear a bikini (with confidence) by swimming season
  • Improve form and posture
  • Two Macrobabe videos per week
  • Experiment with new recipes
  • SPREAD POSITIVITY (by a technicality)

At the time, I wanted to feel and look good, and I wanted to feel right in my skin. But my pain, which I thought was from pushing myself too hard and pulling muscles left and right, became chronic. It has caused me to slip into a very negative mindset, like a stick in the mud.

So no, I did not wear my bikini with confidence in myself (and I know there are people watching this blog who have called me fake and that I fake confidence, and I definitely have faked confidence, but if it gets me closer to the mindset I want, why is that a bad thing? At least I’m not faking friendships…). I wore a bikini and had a good time with friends (who, despite me leaving the friendship, and contrary to what they want to believe, I have no ill will towards lol).

I improved my form and posture, but it wasn’t from persistence in my workouts because I stopped working out with weights as much, and I decreased my cardio quite a bit. I ended up doing a lot more yoga and to this day still stretch twice a day. When I’m at my computer editing or watching TV or even eating a meal, I try to be mindful of my shoulders, back, and hips.

I absolutely failed in my macrobabe uploads. I know I harp on it, but my pain has felt like such a weight against me. Be forewarned though, I’m documenting my journey to getting a diagnosis and getting better, and it might get ranty and annoying!

On the plus, I did pretty amazing with my recipe experimenting. My family and I have tried a bunch of different types of food as a result of this goal. I couldn’t be happier! Recipes to come in this next year, hopefully (no promises, because let’s be honest, I am trash at commitment).

By a technicality, I spread some positivity. I felt as though I was a good influence for awhile and I’ve been determined to put on my positive pants, but I allowed an extremely toxic person in my life, who even though I was warned about, I wanted to believe I could be a positive influence to them. But it turned out they were like… a vampire, sucking all of my good vibes, telling me about how everyone else bad-mouthed me, and making me feel so isolated in a place that I thought I was welcomed. I allowed that to sit and poison me instead of reaching out to those other people for an explanation, to help fix the relationships with the others. Again, I’ve pushed through it, and though I don’t have any ill will towards any of them, I definitely intend on telling my story eventually and live my best life with all of them in the past.

By no means am I perfect, and I don’t pretend to be, but I’m still proud of the little that I accomplished. At the very least, I can say I’m a person who tries her hardest and has good intentions. I look forward to working on flaws and sharing my 2019 New Year’s Resolutions with all of you, even if resolutions are designed to fail.

I’ll see you all in the New Year. 2019, here we come!