Tag Archives: faking confidence

I FAILED My Resolutions & That’s Ok!

I remember how stoked I was in December 2017 to set my goals for the following year (ahem, hi 2018). I thought they were achievable even though I made sure they were BIG. Go big or go home, right? But I also had a lot of secret goals that I didn’t want to share with everyone until I was close to achieving them (like shedding back and hip fat).

Imagine my absolute shock (sense the sarcasm) when I did NOT achieve all of my goals! Let me break it down for you (or you can go to my original post here).

These are the goals I WANTED to achieve:

  • Wear a bikini (with confidence) by swimming season
  • Improve form and posture
  • Two Macrobabe videos per week
  • Experiment with new recipes
  • SPREAD POSITIVITY

And theses are the goals I actually achieved:

  • Wear a bikini (with confidence) by swimming season
  • Improve form and posture
  • Two Macrobabe videos per week
  • Experiment with new recipes
  • SPREAD POSITIVITY (by a technicality)

At the time, I wanted to feel and look good, and I wanted to feel right in my skin. But my pain, which I thought was from pushing myself too hard and pulling muscles left and right, became chronic. It has caused me to slip into a very negative mindset, like a stick in the mud.

So no, I did not wear my bikini with confidence in myself (and I know there are people watching this blog who have called me fake and that I fake confidence, and I definitely have faked confidence, but if it gets me closer to the mindset I want, why is that a bad thing? At least I’m not faking friendships…). I wore a bikini and had a good time with friends (who, despite me leaving the friendship, and contrary to what they want to believe, I have no ill will towards lol).

I improved my form and posture, but it wasn’t from persistence in my workouts because I stopped working out with weights as much, and I decreased my cardio quite a bit. I ended up doing a lot more yoga and to this day still stretch twice a day. When I’m at my computer editing or watching TV or even eating a meal, I try to be mindful of my shoulders, back, and hips.

I absolutely failed in my macrobabe uploads. I know I harp on it, but my pain has felt like such a weight against me. Be forewarned though, I’m documenting my journey to getting a diagnosis and getting better, and it might get ranty and annoying!

On the plus, I did pretty amazing with my recipe experimenting. My family and I have tried a bunch of different types of food as a result of this goal. I couldn’t be happier! Recipes to come in this next year, hopefully (no promises, because let’s be honest, I am trash at commitment).

By a technicality, I spread some positivity. I felt as though I was a good influence for awhile and I’ve been determined to put on my positive pants, but I allowed an extremely toxic person in my life, who even though I was warned about, I wanted to believe I could be a positive influence to them. But it turned out they were like… a vampire, sucking all of my good vibes, telling me about how everyone else bad-mouthed me, and making me feel so isolated in a place that I thought I was welcomed. I allowed that to sit and poison me instead of reaching out to those other people for an explanation, to help fix the relationships with the others. Again, I’ve pushed through it, and though I don’t have any ill will towards any of them, I definitely intend on telling my story eventually and live my best life with all of them in the past.

By no means am I perfect, and I don’t pretend to be, but I’m still proud of the little that I accomplished. At the very least, I can say I’m a person who tries her hardest and has good intentions. I look forward to working on flaws and sharing my 2019 New Year’s Resolutions with all of you, even if resolutions are designed to fail.

I’ll see you all in the New Year. 2019, here we come!

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