They say it gets better once you leave high school. In some respects that’s true. You can choose your higher education, or to go straight into the workforce. You can choose where to live, what luxuries you can afford, what to save for. It gets more complicated, but being an adult is better in the way of independence.
What they don’t tell you is that the judgement, gossip, and cliques are still there, well into adulthood. The only thing that you can choose is whether or not you participate in the shallowness of it all. The truth is, the rumor mill is always churning because there’s always someone to feed that fire.
Most of the time it’s out of boredom but for some – and I’ve seen this firsthand – it’s because they’re miserable with themselves and project that misery onto others.
When it comes to moms, however, it’s a pretty disgusting thing to judge another mother. Moms have it hard as hell!!
- Carrying a baby with who knows how many complications for 9 months, give or take
- Some mamas even work most of the pregnancy – I worked on my feet up until two days before giving birth, as did one of my best friends
- Giving birth is a challenge in itself
- Postpartum problems like fatigue, depression, concerns about milk supply, finances, etc.
- Taking care of the household, the kids, and who knows what else
- Single moms have it even harder, without a partner to pick up the responsibilities that they just don’t have time for
- Moms who are pregnant for the 2nd, 3rd time or more and still doing it all
There’s a serious lack of compassion in mommy cliques, and everyone turns on each other. It’s such a horrifying thing to witness. I’ve seen moms pretend to be best friends but constantly tear the other down once they’re out of earshot.
Who cares if that mom is working instead of staying at home, who cares if that mom is formula feeding, or taking time off, or letting the kids watch TV first thing in the morning?
I urge moms to put themselves in others’ shoes. Think about the mom who is too exhausted to make breakfast and instead gets donuts every morning. Think about the mom who doesn’t have time or money to sign her kid up for baseball. Think about the mom who works so much to support her family that she doesn’t get to see them all the time.
So many judge others based off of what they themselves are doing, thinking that their way is better than any alternative. It’s such a narrow minded way of living.
I’d hate to be so bored or unhappy with myself that I’d spend my time picking apart other moms, whose kids have a roof over their heads, are fed, and have clothes on their back. That’s a major time waster that could be spent on being productive, doing laundry, even helping someone else.
If you’re tired of seeing the judgment amongst moms, I implore you to call that nonsense out. The passive aggressive attitudes are so out of style.
You don’t even have to like the other person being talked about to know that it’s wrong.
BS Shaming: “She really let herself go after kids.”
Response: “She looks fine for someone with a huge responsibility and probably no time to herself.”
BS Shaming: “She always gives her kids junk food, that’s terrible parenting.”
Response: “Better off fed than hungry.”
BS Shaming: “She coddles her kids too much, the baby still sleeps in bed with her.”
Response: “She’s showing her kids love, and clearly has the patience of a saint.”
You could take any bullsh*t, passive aggressive, or blatantly rude comment from a mommy shamer’s mouth and destroy it like Gendry’s hammer to the wights!
Clearly I’ve been watching too much Game of Thrones, but it’s basically my de-stressor. If that makes me a bad mom, I’m comfortable with that.
To summarize, stop stressing about what other moms are saying about you, or what they’re doing with their kids. Lift other moms up and be an example to others.
And lastly, take no BS from anyone trying to tear you down. You are a warrior!